Dear Blog Buddies, my life is full of stupid situations…almost all of them worth telling you about, I had one of these “You have got to be freaking kidding me” moments last night…allow me to tell ya’ll all about it.   My girls and I headed uptown last night for drinks after work.  Yay drinks!  I see my current object of affection and I was immediately stoked, partially because my friends were with me and they would get to see the cute boys I hang out with!!!  I am interested in this dude, he is definitely cute and pretty cool…most of the time.  To make you guys understand this ridiculous situation, I am going to fill you in on my recent past with this kid.  We make out in public usually after consuming adult beverages.  When I say that we have been that couple in the bar swapping spit for thirty minutes…I am not lying.  It’s quite trashy of me!!  It is no secret that I dig him, in fact, I am pretty sure I spilled my guts to him one crazy night a few weeks back. Regardless, we are friends and I am genuinely interested in his well being.  He tells me last week that he has a date with this hot chick and he even shows me a picture of her on his phone and she really is kinda hot.  Crap!!!  He tells me that I wouldn’t like her (of course I wouldn’t like her douche, she snagged the guy I wanna go out with).  So last night I asked him how his date went with skank bag (I call her skank bag to make myself feel better), he proceeds to tell me that his date was awesome.  They’ve went out several times since then and he has even taken her shopping and cooked her a fancy dinner.  He must have noticed the disapointment spreading across my face and says “Hey, You asked and I told you”.  He is totally right, I did ask.  I asked him in hopes that she would’ve sucked at life.   A small part of me knew there was a chance that he actually liked her…but I was really hoping she was cross-eyed or had bad breath or just maybe she would be completely awful and he wouldn’t see her again.  Apparently she is none of those and I look like an idiot.  So this begs the questions…is ignorance really bliss?  Is it better to be completely in the know or to be ever so shielded from the harsh truth (in this case truth being that dude doesn’t like me and would prefer to date skank bag).  I am torn, a very small part of me would like to know that I am only a bar make out buddy so I can at least move on to kissing other dudes.  The other part of me is kicking myself in the ass for asking the question…had I not asked, I could have used ignorance as an excuse to keep vying for his affection.   I am a creature of habit and I love a challenge, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am a little disheartened to know that the blonde skank bag wins the prize.  So blog buddies…would you have asked him how it went?  If I had to do it over…I would still ask him…except this time I would keep my face in check. 

I have long thought that chivalry is dying…with every new generation of man.  I was raised to believe that the only men worth dating were southern gentlemen.  I was raised to EXPECT men to be polite, respectful and charming…and here I sit so very disappointed in the opposite sex (surprise, surprise).  Guys, before you get your boxer briefs in a wad, let me explain myself.  I am not saying that all men are rude, ill-mannered and disgusting, but I am saying that the once noble and well-mannered man is not as prevalent in today’s social scene.   Once upon a time it was customary for men to hold every door for a woman (including the car).  It wasn’t uncommon to see a man shivering so that his date could be wrapped comfortably in his coat.  It is my hope that chivalry won’t become completely extinct, because I don’t care what any woman says…the smallest acts by a man can make a woman’s heart flutter.  For example, just the other night I was interrogating my best friend about her new boy toy when she tells me that he picks her up to carry her over large rain puddles.  Seriously?  This dude, literally carries her over puddles so she doesn’t get the bottom of her jeans wet.  While I don’t need homeboy carrying me everywhere, I have to admit that I am impressed.   My friend’s story leads me to believe that the southern gentleman is not a dying breed..however I am not getting my hopes up too high. 

So as much as I enjoy it,  I can’t always bash men, so I guess I can take a few moments to put my girls in their place.  Ladies, men will only treat you as good as you allow them.  If watching your boy and his buddies drink beer and belch is your kind of fun…more power to you, however don’t bitch and complain later when he treats you like one of the guys.  On the same note…girls, do not ever expect to be treated like a freaking princess.  If you demand constant attention, gifts and a red carpet, you deserve to be left on your ass.  Relationships are a two way street…women keep your expectations in check, but don’t lower them because you feel like you need to snag a guy.  Guys, you don’t have to go above and beyond all the time…but a little chivalry and charm go a long way.  Never underestimate the power of humility and sincerity…it really could be your secret weapon.  

I have no tolerance for sloots and let me tell you why… there is nothing worse than falling “in like” with a guy only to find out that he is only in it for the booty.  I cannot tell you how many times I have felt so disappointed and heartbroken because homeboy was never really interested in me, my beliefs or my awesomeness, he was only interested in gettin’ in my britches.  This is a horrible feeling and I am sure that at some point in our lives, women will have experienced the wrath of a dude’s sexual priorities.  I have thought long and hard about this and what we as women can do to prevent douche bags from treating us this way.  Girls…we are the reason that men “expect” things, we are reason that dudes only involve themselves in relationships for the sole purpose of doing the deed.  In order to receive respect, one must demand it.  It is my belief that sloots will never receive that respect and I can promise you girls this…dude’s will never respect a female if she gives up the goods too quickly. If you didn’t already know, sloots are the girls that the guys will sit around and talk about. I’ve seen it happen, guys will compare their conquests much like they would old football stories.  I will never understand how women, especially younger women behave this way, but I am pretty sure I have diagnosed this problem and I want all of you girls to read and understand this, because this may be the best piece of advice I ever give.  We want attention, actually we love attention, but let’s be honest, at what price are we willing to pay for a little affection from the opposite sex?  Many women seek attention from men and they use their sexuality to get it.  Now I don’t know if these girls have daddy issues or if they just have a low self-esteem but I can almost promise you that giving up your body for a small amount affection is only a quick fix.  Relations with random dudes will not raise your self esteem and it sure as heck will not get you the appropriate attention you deserve.  Now, I know I sound like a prude and maybe so, but I am not saying sex is bad, as long as it is meaningful and done safely.  Girls run the risk of getting heartbroken, diseased and a bad reputation and neither of those is worth a man’s attention.  A man will only treat a woman as good as she allows herself to be treated, so for future reference ladies, check yourself before you wreck yourself.   Next time you are crawling in the back seat of a Honda Civic with Brad, realize that your irresponsibility and slootyness is ultimately affecting the way you will be treated by men for the rest of your life. 

Done and Done. 

p.s. Follow Bitter Betty on Twitter!!  http://twitter.com/DearBitterBetty

Guys always wonder why they have such a bad rep when it comes to cheating…by golly I think I figured it out!!!  Now, I may be generalizing a bit, but in most of my experiences with men and dealing with my friend’s heartache, I am led to be very un-trusting of the opposite sex.  I have to tell you that, ultimately it is the behavior of men in relationships that can make us girls go absolutely insane.   (I am saving the “girls are crazy” blog for another day).  You boys always wonder why us girls get so jealous and intimidated by other women..well, allow me to enlighten you…a couple of nights ago I am at a local bar when I see a friend of mine.  Now mind you, this dude is actually pretty cool, successful and for the most part a genuinely nice guy.  Towards the end of the night, he grabs my face and kisses me.  When I say “kiss” I don’t mean a friendly peck, I mean a full on romantic “Oh my gosh did I put in a breath mint” kind of kiss.  If homeboy didn’t have a gorgeous girlfriend, this situation would have been awesome.  Blog buddies, ya’ll should know that I didn’t immediately push him away even though I knew he was dating someone, and I feel absolutely awful for it.  I could totally be one of those girls who would hold out and pretend that he really liked me and that maybe someday soon he will break up with his significant other for me.  But I won’t.   I mean, am I cooler than her? Darn straight, but I refuse to put myself in that position.  Boys I am not saying that girls are innocent, in fact girls are just as dishonest.  I realize that there will always and forever be temptation outside of relationships, but I feel that if ya’ll (guys and girls) aren’t strong enough to resist these temptations then you shouldn’t be in a relationship anyway.  Personally I think there should be more single people in the world. That way we can make-out with whoever we want and not feel guilty for it later. 

Team Solo 2009!!!!

See what I mean?!?!

Nancy (15) asks:

Ok well there’s this guy i like i dated him for about two years & we broke up but i still have feelings for him. were really close now still but it’s not the same as before. i’ve known him for a while now is there anyway i could make him see it was a loss for him?…

Bitter Betty Says:

Alright Princess..I’ve said this before and I have a feeling I am going to have to say it again and again and again.  Move along.  I get it, you like a boy who doesn’t like you back.  Now you want to make him realize how awesome you are so he comes crawling back and you two will live happily ever after.  I hate to burst your bubble, but if he thought you were that awesome, you would be together right now, instead of writing me for advice.  Every girl likes to make her ex believe that he has lost something great and I am sure that this poor boy doesn’t realize what he has lost. but come on girl…what are you waiting for? You are basically asking me what you can do to make your ex want you back.  Read that last sentence again and really think about how awful that sounds..relationships are NOT THIS COMPLICATED.  I can’t tell you how many times I say this a day.  You should NEVER work that hard…if you aren’t together, there is a reason.  If he does not want to be with you, dressing cute and flirting with his friends isn’t gonna win him over.  Girls, we are way too good to stoop this low.  Get over him, if it is meant to be…it will be, but don’t over analyze and stress over ways to get him back in a relationship.  It is exhausting and totally not worth it.  So put on those high heels and a smile…one day there is going to be a boy that already knows how awesome you are, and you’ll realize that what you are doing now is stupid. 

Hope that helps!!!

Sincerly,

Bitter Betty

I have decided that in order for you guys to really get to know me and take my advice seriously, I should let ya’ll have a sneak peak into my life and the obstacles I face as a young woman in the dating world today.  Together we can navigate through the drama and bliss that ultimately goes with relationships.  As always feel free to ask questions or leave comments…sometimes even Bitter Betty could use some advice!!!

So there’s this boy…I’ll shall call him Mr. Funny Pants.  So anyway, Mr. Funny Pants is awesome, he is funny (obvi), very cute and for the most part a good guy.  I have had the pleasure of knowing this kid for a couple of years and while we have had a few make-out sessions, nothing serious has ever came of it.  We see each other occasionally (always at a bar) and we text quite often.  So last week, he shows up at the restaurant where I work, after saying hello, I go to the ladies room to touch up my make-up, smooth my hair and make sure that my clothes fit exactly where they need to fit and proceed to prance around the restaurant like he is watching my every move.  I swear I felt like a model strutting around and I almost positive the other customers thought I was a crazy person.  Anyway, we sat, we talked and flirted and then he went on his merry way.  This got me thinking, do I really like him or do I just want him to like me?  Ultimately I decided that I don’t think this would be a person that I would want to date…so this means that I just want the satisfaction of knowing that Mr. Funny Pants likes me!!!  This sounds so arrogant and self serving, but it is so the truth.  I think back to all the times that I got all gussied up  for a boy that kinda liked (but not really) just because I either A) wanted attention or B) wanted the control.  I can tell you guys that I am pretty sure the reason us girls do this is because we want the power; the power to say “No, I do not want to go out with you”.  Is this our way of defending ourselves from the dreaded rejection?  Probably.  Is this healthy?  Probably not.  Do I sound absolutely crazy?  Sure, but think about this blog buddies…go back and re-evaluate your past, think about the people you thought you liked, but once they were interested you peaced out.  Did you drop Mr. Funny Pants like a bad habit because he wasn’t all he was cracked up to be, or did you break up with him because you realized you didn’t want to date him in the first place? 

Tori Asks:

What does it mean when a boy tells his cousin that he likes you but he igores you most of the time?

Bitter Betty says:

This is easy, I am sure that the boy you are referring to is the same age as you, and if this is true, I think the boy is shy.  Teenage boys are awkward and weird and they haven’t quite mastered the art of flirting or even dating for that matter.  Teenage boys are nervous and chances are he is intimidated and doesn’t know what to say.  If you aren’t a weenie, go and talk to him yourself, you might be surprised.

Ashley asks:

OK, I have been “crazy” about this one guy for years now. We dated breifly in College and we recently found each other on Facebook and started going out. For some idiot reason I have built him up into this great guy that is definitly the best man in the world for me, even though I do not know him that well. I mean, really know him. I think to know someone you need to see them at their worst, their best, when they are happy, when they are sad, etc. I know he is not going to commit to me, and part of me feels like I should just move on and try to forget about him. But I like him so much I will almost take any time I can get with him. I KNOW how pathetic that is, but it is how I feel. I feel like the main reason I like him so much is simply because he is unattainable. I am pretty certain of that. So how do I either just go out with him and just have fun without any expectaions for the future???? Or should I just let him go???? I can not seem to stop thinking about him and I REALLY want to stop thinking about him ! HELP!!!!!!!

Bitter Betty says:

You said it yourself…your behavior is pathetic..and it is.  I hate to be harsh, but you and every other freaking girl in the world has been in this same situation.  Girl likes boy.  Boy doesn’t want to settle down.  Girl gets heartbroken.  This is the same sad story…my advice goes like this:  Your boy knows what he wants and he sure as hell knows who he wants to marry and I doubt that girl is you.  If a guy wants to be with you, he will.  If he wants to marry you, he will.  Move on.  This is situation is pretty cut and dry…if he ain’t in it to win it, there is no point in waiting around to see if he just might, maybe come around and realize he is madly in love with you.  From the sound of it, you are a smart girl, now act like it and move on. 

Last time I checked Cinderella didn’t fall for a douche bag! Nowhere in the fairy tale did little miss Cinderella go on a date, never did we hear about the farm boy down the street that dumped her on her arse when she wouldn’t sleep with him .  I mean if Cinderella can fall in love with none other than a legitimate prince, and he fall head over heels for a maid, then why in the heck can’t I find me a good man?!  As young girls we hear the stories and we picture our prince charming, our knight in shining armor.  We are led to believe that we will be that Cinderlla one day and we shall be saved from a miserable life by a wonderful weathly man..I call B.S.  Never will there ever be a prince blowing up my cell phone or proposing to me after seeing me shake my rear on the dance floor.  Now I completely understand that I sound bitter and cynical but all I am saying is that finding our soul mate doesn’t necessarily happen that way.  I do believe that all of us have a soul mate, unlike Cinderella we have to go through a bit more to find them.  We will go on countless dates, some of them absolutely amazing and some we would rather take a hammer to the knee cap than listen to Brad tell another highschool football story.  We deal with losers, cat calls, bad dates  and the list goes on.  We get our heart broken over and over again because we are constantly looking for our prince and swear that we find him at least once a month.  When we do finally find Mr. Right, we’ll date him for 6 months and realize that Mr Right Now is a loser.  Cinderella got married with the quickness, that shizz does not happen!! Assuming I found who I thought was my Mr. Right and get married that quick..I am almost positive that would get tired of his crap and divorce  him…which might I add…never happend to Cinderella or any of those other fairy tale skanks either.